I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
