mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
