I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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