i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
