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Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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