I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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