A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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