I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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