yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
