i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
