my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
