she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Acid is not a monday night drug
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
