you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
