he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
