Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
