Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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