my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
