this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
