Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
