Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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