I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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