We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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