Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
