the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
