I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
