i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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