So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
