i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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