Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
