Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i believe in u and ur pee
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
