birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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