Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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