We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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