um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
