I think my fart just growled at me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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