Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
