Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
