We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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