Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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