Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
