I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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