The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize