I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
