saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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