Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
