Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
