She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize