yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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