Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
