Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
