Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When are your genitals available?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
