I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
