apparently the secret to your success is patron
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
