Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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