The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
