I've blown a few things in my day
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
