just tell him i said nine months
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
