she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Your cock deserves a montage
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
