i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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