can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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