Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week