I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
