I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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