normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.