I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.