Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently

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  (269): i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently http://tfl.nu/x6zf
  Replies (17) Good night (5093) Bad night (699)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.

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  (973): when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this. http://tfl.nu/c6uc
  Replies (17) Good night (1503) Bad night (4492)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.

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  (910): He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn. http://tfl.nu/hrhg
  Replies (18) Good night (8327) Bad night (1033)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.

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  (216): I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance. http://tfl.nu/bz9b
  Replies (14) Good night (1340) Bad night (4285)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.

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  (843): GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head. http://tfl.nu/4n4o
  Replies (8) Good night (2928) Bad night (984)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine

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  (815): im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine http://tfl.nu/4lyn
  Replies (27) Good night (5832) Bad night (1192)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.

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  (404): All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen. http://tfl.nu/mg75
  Replies (2) Good night (2268) Bad night (805)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?

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  (215): It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right? http://tfl.nu/00h0
  Replies (12) Good night (3183) Bad night (818)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame

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  (618): thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame http://tfl.nu/q9yu
  Replies (5) Good night (1864) Bad night (531)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day

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  (330): BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day http://tfl.nu/u4vh
  Replies (9) Good night (1643) Bad night (692)
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  (427): View more from

  Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.

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  (427): Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it. http://tfl.nu/to7a
  Replies (2) Good night (569) Bad night (955)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.

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  (289): God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore. (519): Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor. http://tfl.nu/xdad
  Replies (8) Good night (1241) Bad night (377)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...

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  (225): Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down... http://tfl.nu/qxa1
  Replies (2) Good night (358) Bad night (581)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom

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  (402): If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom http://tfl.nu/036d
  Replies (2) Good night (828) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.

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  (313): I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way. http://tfl.nu/m2c2
  Replies (4) Good night (845) Bad night (186)

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