Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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