You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
