quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
