Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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