Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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