not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
