I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
