a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
