This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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